Why do we push our kids to play sports? Take a moment to consider the question…

I’m curious where you landed. I don’t suppose it’s to gain a college scholarship or go pro.  Maybe it is, but if not, then why do we press so hard on our kids when participating in sports?  Why do we crank up the pressure for perfection?  

Next time you’re at your son’s or daughter’s game take a moment to listen to the “agro” (over the top) parents.  Put yourself in your kids shoes and listen to what they hear barked at them game in and game out.  I’m certain it will surprise you. Maybe you are that “agro-parent.” Truthfully, we’re at a crossroads in youth sports and it’s time for a reality check.

My own reality check…

So, I wasn’t the full on “agro, a-hole” parent, but somewhere in between depending on my mood or engagement in the game.  I pressed my boys to perform. I wanted to see that true passion for the game.  I wanted to see time put in off the court (practice?, we talkin’ bout practice) and show a certain level of respect for the game.  I’m using “I” quite a bit.  Huh!?!  Disappointing, I must say…

I finally came to the realization that my boys are not me, and I really don’t want them to be.  They are, firstly and most importantly, unique individuals and students with high potential.  They continuously show a high level of curiosity that makes me proud.  They are academically achieving and headed on the right path to become great leaders and contributors to generation next. That’s what matters, right!?! 

Sports, then, are just a microcosm of life:  teaming, learning roles and responsibilities, understanding the rules, gaining leadership opportunities, building communication skills, striving toward a bigger goal, sharing in accomplishments, etc. 

So why the hyper-aggressive, helicopter sports parents?  Why the endless skill building and individualized coaching? Why the focus on a single sport at such an early age?

I may never know the true rationale. Fortunately, I was recently gifted two moments of clarity to help me rise above the craziness of American youth sports.  Frankly, I’m quite thankful for these gifts of enlightenment, as they have fundamentally changed me:

1) Matheny Manifesto

I was gifted the Matheny Manifesto from my son’s baseball coaches in Portland, Oregon.  It was handed out and very lightly discussed during the first parent meeting, but we were encouraged to read it – really read it.  It was the first time I’d ever heard of the Matheny Manifesto.  It delivered a profound effect in how I mentor and communicate with my boys in sport and life.  The Manifesto provides great insights into being a better parent and sideline voice in sport (and life).  Although written with a slant toward parents of baseball players, it’s 100% applicable to any sport.  It’s worth the read and a some introspection with relation to your actions.  It will change your outlook and behavior with relation to mentoring your children.  Take the 10 minutes to read it, consider it, and, if necessary, change your approach.  You’ll be better for it, I promise.

2) The In-Game Incident

I recently encountered the absolute worst in youth sports, the agro-parent who continuously barks at his kid, teammates, referees, or anyone within earshot.  I was new to my youngest son’s basketball program and had heard his incessant BARKING for the first 5 games.  I hit a tipping point, so I called the individual out for constantly berating the kids and referees.  An unusual course of action for me, but it was important to take a stand.  My point to the individual, “There is a coach over there (pointing across the gym).  Let’s just watch and enjoy.  We don’t need to hear your banter and negativity. It’s 6th grade basketball for heaven’s sake.”  I might have said a bit more to be honest…

With this commentary, I lit the powder keg of testosterone, as next thing I knew he was chest bumping me and my wife from behind the last row of bleachers.  Next, a bit of verbal jawing and posturing. Then a fist and forearm struck my back and side.  Whoa! Getting physical in the stands with a dad of one of our players.  We’re on the same team, my friend.  WTF!?!

Truly a crazy experience and something I’ll never forget.  After the game, I went over to be a better man and shake his hand.  No harm, no foul, right!?!  As I shook his hand, I saw a look in his eyes that I’d never seen before.  A look of a man teetering on the edge of pure rage, tears of anguish or total embarrassment.  Not certain which, maybe all of the above.  Sadly it escalated to that level, but in the end,  he’s been a better fan and more subdued.  Maybe a lesson learned…

In retrospect, we are here to raise upstanding and compassionate sons and daughters.  We want to share our love of sport and model behavior we’d be proud to see in them.  Sports are life, so let’s band together to be better parents, more supportive of our kids, and foster the spirit of community and team. I’m making a change for the better, so join me…

Again, I ask, “Why do we push our kids to play sports?”  Let it sink in and give it some thought… Oh, do check out the Matheny Manifesto. 

PLAY ON!!!

Share a comment, contrast my opinion, or help me gain greater insights to the craziness of American youth sports culture. Thoughts welcomed…